Shadows of the Past and Present
by Tinalouise88
Summary: Joyce was always a shadow of Anne's heart she never meant to hide. She never expected to share her heartache with her daughter.


Shadow of the Past and Present.

She didn't know why she had thought of the day, as it was the middle of November. But June 18th was a special day in the Blythe household or so it seemed to the children. For along as Rilla could remember they always had cake on that day even during the war her mother made sure there was a small cake for after dinner that made herself despite her abilities were limited compared to Susan's.

She was about five, the first time she remembered herself asking why they had a cake that day. All her older brothers and sisters looked at her from where they sat at the table. No one had asked why before it was just the way that day was.

Father spoke up and said it was in memory of Joy someone who was dear to them how they lost quite some time ago but meant a great deal to their mother and him. That seemed to satisfy the youngster who was just happy to eat the pink coloured cake. It was always a strange day, Mother would often go for a walk with Father. Just the two of them, her eyes always seemed red from crying despite the smile on her face. Even Susan was sullen on that day, as she went about her chores.

By the time she was ten, she stopped asking questions about the day, Mother never truly told her what the day was about, that maybe when she was older she would explain. She just excepted the fact that June 18th was a strange day in the Blythe household.

Now Rilla sat in her bed she shared in the house of dream with Kenneth after long delivery she was exhausted. Of all the medical expertise nothing could have helped, the cord had wrapped around her child's neck during childbirth and they didn't realize till it was too late.

Everyone was too hushed that when she realized something happened, something was wrong.

It wasn't long beforeMother had come up the stairs and sat with her.

"You'll get through this," Anne told her.

"Will I?" Rilla spoke in a hollow tone, staring at the window. "It's not the same as when we lost Walter."

"No, it's not, it's something completely different to loose a child who you never get to watch grow up, never seeing its first steps, or hear their first words. All the what if's that run through you mind as you think about what you could have done, or did differently. Would it make a different outcome, would your baby still be buried beneath the ground. I understand more then you will ever understand Rilla-my-Rilla.' Anne spoke brushing her daughter's hand and squeezing it.

Rilla looked at her quizzically.

"We never truly told you, children. Why we celebrate June 18th with a pink cake. It was the day my Joyce was born, our Joyce was born. You see Joyce would have been your sister Rilla." Anne finally told her youngest daughter. "She was so small and white, and lived only a day she was born at dawn and lived till dusk."

"Why did you never tell us the truth." Rilla looked at her mother.

Anne sighed. "It hurt too much in the beginning, and then no one truly asked why till you came along, truthfully we just didn't know what to say. It was a horrible time for your father and I. But we did get through it, and then we had Jem. I remember Marilla telling that he would take Joyce place. But I knew she would always have a special place in my heart. I pictured her grow over the years, she would be 28 this year, maybe with a family of her own."

"We never had a photo of her." Anne spoke once more. "but the point of this, is to tell you. You will heal, you will yourself laughing one day. It may seem impossible, but you will make it through this"

"Do you miss her still?" Rilla asked her.

"Every single day of my life," Anne told her. "Your father as well, But hold him Rilla look at him so you have a memory of him."

RBRBRBRBRRBRBRBRB

On June 18th of 1921, Rilla made the pilgrimage with her mother to the graveyard. After the trials of last winter on Rilla's front. Anne had explained who Joy was. Jem spoke up and said he had always known he wasn't their first child and Di and Nan had found out when they were in the attic one day as children. Shirley said he didn't know but said that it had made sense.

They walked over the grave as Rilla read the headstone.

Joyce Amelia Blythe June18th. Dawn to Dusk May she rest among the stars.

"You took me here once," Rilla told her remembering. "I was young you, I ran off to look at the graves and you brought me to this one. You told me she would have loved me." Rilla rested her head on her mother's shoulder their hands clasped together. "Will you join me when it comes November?" Thinking of the other small headstone little ways over.

Frederick James Ford.  
November 12th, 1920 Forever in our hearts.

"Of course," Anne told her and wrapped her arm around her daughter.

"I'm expecting again," Rilla spoke after a moment. "I haven't told Ken yet, I'm just so scared to disappoint him again." she cried.

"Shh, shh" Anne comforted her. "My baby, you will not or ever have disappointed him. It wasn't your fault, things just happen that out of our control. I hoped by the time you were old enough that these things wouldn't happen to you, but even a mother's wish cannot be granted. "

They walked home for the family dinner that night. Anne revelling in the new relationship she had with her daughter. Sharing the grief had drawn them closer than she had ever thought. She once said the war had made a woman of her baby much too soon, and now that woman had been given and taken away the most precious thing a woman could have.

She watched Rilla in a shadowed hallway confide to Kenneth that she was expecting once more. She watched as the embraced and cried together.

Gilbert came up behind her and wrapped his arms around his wife. "Twenty-nine years, and it still feels like yesterday." Anne looked up and smiled . "She's looking down on us, I can feel her love."

Authors note

Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed my story. Please let me know what you think of it!


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